Wassup, ya'll? Tina Peters here, back with another Shia-licious edition of The Shia Mailbag. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks here, what with TLC’s new print issue arriving and all. I swear, once that thing hit the streets, I got flooded with autograph requests. I’ve been signing issues left and right! I will admit, it does include one of my finer columns. And, hoo-wee, did Miss Fphatty capture the hottiness of Shia "Sexx" LaBeouf! You go, sister! Anyway, on to the letters. As expected, there aren’t too many. It’s final exam time. Stupid school.

From: Yaccas2@aol.com

To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com

Sent: Wednesday, April 28, 2004 1:06 AM

Subject: Shia is truly awesome

Dude, I love yoor name and everything about u.

Uh... hey, Yaccas2.

Thanks!

- Tina Peters, Doctor of Shianomics

(Okay. Um... is anyone else totally creeped out by that letter? I mean, I know I’m awesome... and cute... and sometimes, it’s hard not to want to write me and tell me, like, "Tina, you are so awesome! If trees were made of awesome, you’d be...." Crap. What’s it called when there’s a bunch of trees in one place? A flock? No... that’s sheep or something. Crap! What is that called? Aw, forget it. Whatever.)

From: LaSeNoRiTaELLe@aol.com

To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com

Sent: Sunday, April 25, 2004 9:13 PM

Subject: SHIA QUESTION - VERY IMPORTANT

Hi. This is Marielle. I love Shia!!! Like, seriously a lot. So I was wondering if he was single or what? This is very important as u know, because I would like to know if I have a chance with the most awesomest person alive. Hey, four years isn't that big of a difference in Hollywood. Am I rite? LOL =) Heh heh.

- Marielle

Hey, Marielle!

You know, I get asked this question a lot. As I stated before--

(Herd! It's a "herd" of trees! No... that sounds totally wrong. I can’t believe this. I’m 14 years old! I should know what a stupid bunch of dumb trees is called. Why couldn’t I be obsessed with nature and stuff? Then I’d know. No... instead, I know everything there is to know about some totally hot actor named Shia LaBeouf. Too bad he’s not a bunch of trees. I wouldn’t be having this problem then. Stupid vocabulary words.)

For your other question, four years isn't a big difference in Hollywood at all. I mean, look at the phone lady, Catherina Xena-Jones. She's married to that old guy, and he looks like a wet sandwich.

TTYL!

- Tina Peters, Doctor of Shianomics

Send your awesome Shia questions to tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com.