HUMPTULIPS, WA - Local man Jeremy Sade visited a friend’s home last Tuesday, only to be greeted by his friend's dog, Booboo, and his unprovoked sexual advances.

“I was just visiting my pal Mike when his mutt ran up to me and started humping my leg,” explains a visibly shaken Sade. “He wrapped his front paws around my calf and went to town! Had a boner bigger than he was!”

While Sade's friend, Mike, declined comment, Booboo issued this statement: “I’m a dog. Nothing more, nothing less. I eat, poop, bark, and-- when I’m so inclined-- romance or ‘hump’ legs. I won’t apologize for what I am.”

Upon hearing of this, Sade replied, “Well, he is a dog, and that is the sort of thing dogs do, but-- Wait a tick! Booboo can talk? What the shit?!?”